When OCD Roars Back
It's been a tricky few weeks
So late last year, I wrote an article about my OCD. At the time, I was able to say how it was pretty manageable at the moment.
Unfortunately, this spring has been a tough one, as it has flared up again.
I am experiencing some major life changes, including finally (after 40 years!) finding myself in a relationship. And not just any relationship: a relationship with a wonderful man who has proposed to me.
My life is changing in great ways, and my brain is having a tough time getting used to all of this.
My OCD has decided to have a different focus, which has made it tougher to control and manage, since I’m dealing with whole new obsessions, mostly revolving around a fear of death and not making it to my wedding.
This has also meant that my anxiety has ramped up to extremes, making it harder to be around people without my heart racing and my mind zeroing in on my troubles and not on the wider world around me.
I am not waiting for things to adjust. I am being very proactive:
I talked to my doctor and have medications for both my anxiety and my OCD.
I have already been in several sessions with my therapist. I am also investigating working with an OCD-centered therapist.
I resubscribed to Headspace, a meditation app that I have really found to be useful in the past. While the formating has changed, the meditations and topics have remained the same.
I have looked into NOCD, one of the leading organizations in therapy and community for people with OCD. This is new to me, so it’s been interesting finding others who suffer from the same worries and fears that I do.
As a Christian, I also am doing my best to remind myself that God is in control of my life, and it’s okay that I do not. That’s not my role. My role is to trust in him.
One of the things that NOCD promotes to fight OCD is ERP (exposure and response prevention), which helps to stop compulsions before they start. My normal compulsion is to avoid the situations where my worries and thoughts begin, but that’s not a healthy response. Instead, ERP will help me ease back into those situations, but armed with methods and ways to focus better and see the experience in different ways that will avoid the worries and obsessions.
It’s scary and frustrating, considering I’m entering into an exciting period in my life, and my brain seems to be rebelling against me! But with God and my fiancé standing by my side (no doubts expressed, just solidifying my love for him), I’m hoping to help reduce the impact of OCD to my daily life!
You are not alone in your struggles. I’m so thankful to have found a community where I can relate with people’s struggles and share stories of joys and troubles. If you need to reach out, don’t hesitate! And if you suffer from any suicidal thoughts, please call 988.
Solidarity in the OCD journey!